It was all about things not happening the way one wished. I wished, she wished, he wished, we all wished for things that never came to be. It started the first day of school and went all the way up the ladder till senior year, butchering and slaying particular subjects that awaked all too soon. Why do you think suicide ratings go up in the adolescence period? We aren’t important until we vote, and then we aren’t important after we do it too, so why the hell do I have to bother? Might as well end my days before I turn eighteen and it wouldn’t matter in the least, of course there are some side effects but suicidal people are long gone dead-heart people. Anyway, appearing and disappearing on the map is so easy this days, they all claim it is not in order to hold you back when you plan, the thousands of times you plan it, to run away. There’s the notion that you wouldn’t survive, that you’d be robbed, that you’d be raped, alone and in need, and that no one would come to aid you and it holds you down better than a thousands chains. Why use chains when ideas tie so hard and in unbreakable embrace? Simple as it is, a powerful speech aimed to hit, it’s a bulls eye. But, there’s got to be people to hear it, listen to each honeyed word, each passionate word that seeps into the human system like a sugared poison. And that, a sugared poison is what reality seems is what everything seems when you are trapped because freedom, and the awareness of it, is more vicious and hurtful than the notion of the captivity, since there isn’t such if you don’t know there is, and, if you do not know you’re a prisoner you believe you’re free.
As easy as it seems is it not, or we would all be free. And we are not. Parents do a fine work at first, they transform the process into the sublime “growing up” which only seems to be the grossed out way of making you a captive evolve into a much more sympathetic idea, out of remorse maybe? No. I don’t believe so, maybe out of pure idiocy. Or maybe they just forgot they are prisoners too and don’t even realize what they want us to be. If everyone is a prisoner, then who is free? Is there someone free? Yes, there’s got to be. Because if not there wouldn’t be any prisoners, and everyone would be free which everyone isn’t and to prove it there’s fashion, there’s trade, and there’s parents. Sounds exhilarating already? Or is it I’m going insane because I feel this walls closing all around me? Not all the walls do this, only these, because I know they are there and I know what is after them. If I could somehow make my molecules fuse with the wall’s molecules and like that trespass it like walking through, I’d see that it’s all an illusion, the illusion that studying will make you greater and will give you access to some kind of better life. You’re stuck forever and ever into the same position your parents were because you will carry their burden as yours and somehow thorough the years it will get bigger and bigger and will smash you grandchildren or luckily for them they will already be dead and so their progeny will be nonexistent. To let someone get smashed or be so yourself, either way someone gets smashed but what a difference it makes!!!
Despair
